it's come to my attention i've barely left my house, this bed, the couch in the past two and a half weeks. no real intention to do so. it feels like just a few days. "forget about the kids forget about me" is a tough one to swallow. i fully immersed myself in my role for their sake, now who knows what is being done to them as they have been ripped away. some dawdling part of me maybe realizes it's for the best in the long run, but i can't bring myself to care yet. who the fuck knows how writing such things out in here affects that, but oh well. sometimes there's a glimmer of some positive idea of how to proceed, and then it's 5:00 a.m. and what did i do the past day? asdf. sleep now. it is thursday.